ROBOT
I - a robot. How can it happen that I - a robot that every hair, every cell of my body requires - "Give me !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Give prick !!!!!!!!!!!!» My mother thinks I'm tied up. Carefully avoiding the questions, which I read with irritation in her eyes, preparing me all sorts of goodies, which I still pushed into a force.I need a different energy, different foods, whose name opium. Opium, curse it. Opium, whether they are blessed.
How it happened, I became a robot? The school, classmates, teachers, erased, crossed into another dimension. Where - somewhere deep in the subconscious memory shoved tarnished the image of girls, which I was in love. Like all acutely felt then, as she smelled the spring, which was accompanied by a quivering all thought about it. How all this boring now ...
I forget who I smoked the first "can not". I remember how silly we giggled and felt "intermingled", not the same as the others, especially that - there. This herd instinct bringing us together - "all smoke and I smoke." Man a greatly improved herd creature, what he wanted to appear.Next is uninteresting - quietly disbanded the company, there were others with whom in other circumstances not spoken to either in life. Everyone has his own made-up story, something pyzhatsya, pretend to something trying, "throw a wave, one word.But all who still something left in my head, well aware that they are on the hook, "in Torben. Demons come in many guises, and now they visit me often half-asleep.And my first demon who suggested "try" - I remember him, he looked fine, was in money and in fact, by car, the whole well-being radiated from him were beautiful, funny and available girls. "And he said to the demon-try!" And I tried ....
Hot Wave was born in the crown, while in the hands and feet, it was flowing quickly to the fright and exploded in my head myriad needles, sharp and pleasant, which carried with them a feeling of lightness, almost weightless, the darkness dissipated, thoughts become smooth and consistent, disappeared into nowhere some minor problems ...Relaxation was the guide to action - wanted to share with the world, with these nice people joy and happiness, filled me to overflowing. "Razdvinet opium limits of the universe, the vastness of the region.And again the feeling that you belong to a select caste, that others, unlike you are deprived of this miraculous source, which makes you almost there, just an almighty !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Secret passwords, secret meetings, only fueled interest. And he saw then that the apartments are dirty, that the adherents of false, cunning, resourceful. Demons manifested themselves later, when he came to His Majesty Kumar.When I saw a man wrapped in a bow, as it turns the stomach cramps and leg, as it "breaks" (to which the right word!), I thought - no, I can control, I'm not, it just large doses tunic. Ha ha ha!After the first kumara everything has changed - just prick it became necessary that this does not happen again, but the pleasure was the only intermediate station between brittle.
Here it is, first, light chills. Here are the first tears, snot, which can not soothe. Sticky, smelly sweat covers you, you physically feel its stench. Here are the first spasms in the legs and hands, which simply twisting the muscles, no provision can not take more than a moment, all the annoying, nothing cute.Nasty lump in the throat. It is impossible to swallow, it takes the whole throat, arching. Diarrhea, out of you pours, pours, it will disappear only when I shot. All of this is growing, lean on you, you are helpless, unable to stop this avalanche.
But the worst - Insomnia, let it so be it, with a capital letter, a huge, comprehensive, occupying the entire space of the universe.From it will not save those insignificant sleeping pills, which sometimes can profiteer, she thick like clay, you vyaznesh in her head did not realize the body resists, but you are unable to disconnect. Alcohol does not help at all.
Every time there are more difficult to find a vein, they were all burned, and 2 -3 hours of picking, sweating, even cry. Crack open afraid - those who opened the groin, has rotted or become disabled. Oh, I saw worms in the festering wounds, as they move, and their "owner" is looking for another place for the injection, it is not the least worried.Thoughts of only one thing - where to get it, who to call, where to go. Moving can be for the sole purpose. You walk like a robot, whose battery ends. You lie, humiliate, naodalzhival money, hiding from creditors, spare the "barygami", listen to their blunt speech, echoed those bastards that for your own money to kill you, so even scoff at you.And you know that one way out, that the interest alone, no matter how blustered-find and injections, the last time! How many were there, these individual. And my mom "rented" narcologists, came some, something muttered about a healthy lifestyle, we should not despair, that it will help, blah blah blah. I was not listening.I thought how I could stretch the five cubes, which hid in the bathroom for a washing machine. Posters on the streets, "Say no Drugs", fresh clean girls and boys, with a sincere sense of speaking from the screen, they want to help. Naive, you know the horror that grips me just at the thought of that in the morning I have no "solution"Nobody guessed remove a video that mud, that the abomination that accompany a drug addict every day, never occurred to show the real break-up as a man gnaws his knees as he reveals the veins, so just to get the desired shot. Cops are working well, covered the "points", now it sells only "their" Although croak, do not sell stranger.Hence, we must seek enter, share with them. As I brought from home a few things, my mother has not noticed. A notice - modern. I can do this easily, without blushing, "Torba" taught. You look at young people who "try", and think-all man, you're hooked.It still will not believe, if you tell them the truth, people shy away from the truth, so better to let them hurry up, hit the road, would get, they have not pierced the car. Nothing prokolyut!
Everyone dies alone, and the best to you, then - I. And when in rare moments of enlightenment thinking about unrealized possibilities - such depression pulled, though vskroysya. I do not know why I pull all this, the prospects - there is no ...
Where is the magician, who will come, its wave a magic wand, and I will, as before, normal, forget all this horror, which I know is I?
No its not and will not, because my will, which I had so prided itself, has disappeared, dissolved, as a ball of opium dissolved in warm water.
Lord, for thee I am! Forgive me, a sinner of thy servant, deliver me, a sinner, from the evil, help me, Lord! Help me, Lord, all drug addicts, Warm us love her, do not let it clean boys and girls to experience all the flour, before which the ad seems like paradise, take them to temptation, I do not have timeto get
Author:Anton
Interested persons among the general public are invited to an open discussion, contact telephone trustee of the author are in the editorial.Vadim Loginov, secretary of the Psychiatric Society of Transnistria, a member of the European Psychiatric Association EPA
